Overnight, the US said it hit around 140 Iranian military targets — third round this week — after an Iranian strike left a container ship burning in the Strait of Hormuz with one crew member missing. Iran answered by declaring the strait closed and sending missiles toward Gulf states. That's the event, and that's all you're getting of it, because the interesting part is watching five newsrooms decide who the night happened to. * The Washington Post tried to carry the whole thing in one armful: "U.S. strikes Iran as it declares Strait of Hormuz closed, fires at ship." Three clauses, one breath, America as the grammatical subject and everything Iran did folded into a subordinate clause. It's the overstuffed-suitcase school of headline writing — everything's in there, but the US is on top. * NPR split the verbs, and the verbs are doing quiet little jobs: "US attacks Iran over ship being hit in Strait of Hormuz; Tehran lashes out again at Gulf Arab states." America "attacks" — with a reason helpfully bolted on. Tehran "lashes out" — no reason, just a temper. One side gets a motive, the other side gets a mood. * Bloomberg didn't bother with the bombs at all: "Iran Declares Strait of Hormuz Closed Until Further Notice." No ship, no missiles, no 140 targets. Because on the Bloomberg desk the story isn't the war — it's the strait, and the strait is where a fifth of the world's oil lives. Tell me your headline and I'll tell you your subscribers. * Al Jazeera kept the camera on the incoming: "US forces launch new strikes on Iran; Tehran closes Strait of Hormuz." US forces first, acting; Tehran second, reacting. From Doha — which spent part of the week listening to explosions — that running order is its own editorial. * And Fox? Fox's live-blog banner was about a different country entirely: "Israeli leadership signal readiness to strike Iran again as US negotiators head to Oman." The 140 targets are in there somewhere, down-page, behind Trump's overnight "1000 Missiles are Locked and Loaded" post. On Fox, the bombs America dropped last night matter less than the ones Israel might drop next. * Same night, same bombs, five main characters: the suitcase, the temper, the oil, the incoming, and the sequel. None of these headlines is false. They just each answer a different question — and none of them asked you which question you had.