One man walked into 10 Downing Street on Monday morning. Depending on which homepage you opened, he was a socialist, a fantasy-novel king, a circuit breaker, or a nice fella who wants to help with your gas bill. Andy Burnham is Britain's new prime minister — that's the part everyone agrees on. It's roughly the last part they do. * Start with Fox News. The main headline plays it straight — "Andy Burnham takes over as UK prime minister, calls for 'new political model'" — but the article gets to work fast, filing his plans under "business-friendly socialism," while the video desk skipped the foreplay entirely: Burnham "unveils socialist agenda." Fox found the word 'socialist' before Burnham found his desk. For good measure, the piece reminds you Trump once dismissed him as "extremely liberal." Day one, and the file is already open. * NBC News went a different way: "'King of the North' Andy Burnham becomes 7th British prime minister in a decade." That's a Game of Thrones nickname doing the heavy lifting of explaining British politics to Americans. Which, honestly, fair — if your country burns through seven PMs in ten years, HBO is a reasonable frame of reference. * Al Jazeera kept only the arithmetic: "Andy Burnham appointed UK's seventh prime minister in a decade." No nickname, no agenda, just the counter ticking. When your headline is basically an odometer reading, the message isn't about the man at all — it's that the door at Number 10 revolves. * The Guardian, meanwhile, was at the party. The news headline let Burnham pick his own metaphor — he vows his arrival will be a "circuit breaker" moment for the UK, quote marks respectfully applied — while the sketch writer filed "All hail the king! Good vibes and Greggs as Burnham addresses the Andyites." Greggs. The man hasn't signed anything yet and he's already getting the hometown-hero montage. * And then there's the BBC, which produced possibly the most BBC headline in recorded history: "Burnham promises help with your money. How could it affect you?" Fox sees creeping socialism, NBC sees Westeros, and the national broadcaster sees a segment on household budgeting. Elsewhere on the front page: "Who is Andy Burnham's wife?" The republic of practical concerns. * Same doorstep. Same speech. Five completely different men walked out of it. None of these headlines is false — that's what makes it worth pausing on. Whether your new prime minister is a socialist threat, a telly king, or a savings tip depends entirely on who's introducing him. Worth remembering the next time any outlet tells you who somebody is.